there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
I really hope our interview with channel 6 last night doesn't air or else my parents are gona get a first hand look at my alcohol problem
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
she just called me the flavor packet to her ramen noodles. get me the fuck out of here.
I can't wait till we are old and wrinkly and I can turn to you and ask, "Remember when you Rick Jamesed the shit out of that couch??"
He's not messing around tonight. 4 fist pumps.
I started singing I believe I can fly in the shower and it was like the first stage of insanity
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
How does one get out of sexting without being rude? I'm trying to watch Downtown Abbey
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
I just feel like if we dated, he'd just be crying the entire relationship
Randomize
