why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
it's 4 am, i'm drinkin beer and re-drywalling my bathroom. this could possibly be a bad idea.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
Thats the worst face I've ever seen you make an I've seen you throw up in your own hair.
You should really trust me on this one. "hit it and quit it" might not be the best career move on your part...
Come get me...we were walking home and she kept yelling "people need to get run over more!" then she just sat down in the middle of the street saying "it just feels right."
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
The fact that it neither of us came up with the reason of "it's morally and ethically wrong" speaks volumes about this relationship
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Do it!! We better have a duck by the time I get home.
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
If you were to to ask if I just hid 4 shooters or Jameson it my bra and panties the anwer would be yes, yes I did
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