i thought he was 22...he said he was 25..he was 19...im 26..it doesnt count if you dont know right?
i hope when i become a housewife i'm more of a gretchen and less of a vicky
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
370HSSV 0773H read that upside down
what are you doing with your life
My boss walked in on me puking in the urinal while taking a piss. Sunday funday is eroding my last shred of credibility at work.
I was giving this guy head and he stopped me to look me in the eyes and say "you have a gift"
Pictures of drunk me in a bike helmet are like McDonald's collectible toys. There's sooo many, but NO ONE has seen all of them.
That guy has been pretty randomly in and out of my vagina for 4 years...I don't think I'm required to tell him when I'm dating.
Good point.
Come to my pity party. It's being hosted in my basement. The theme is ambiguously sexual cuddling and wine.
she said that no one there was hot enough for her so she then proceeded to give the passed out person a lap dance because he was "her type."
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Highlight of the day: got a bunch of drunks to sing baby shark.
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
