Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
if i get the "i'm engaged" text one more time, i'm going to shoot myself in the face so my cats won't eat it when i die alone.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
it was like watching bambi learning to walk, if bambi was 22 and a high functioning alcoholic.
Oh god I may vomit into the teacup of debauchery.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
I didn't mind you coming over, just I'm quite sure most booty calls don't involve a scavenger hunt...
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Good luck. While you're suffocating on a dick, I'll be eating pizza rolls. Being a good girl.
good morning. i just did a walk of shame in front of his grandmother.
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