Pick my eyebrow is burning. I'm sitting in the back of dolows vat and listening to jolly music and wilfgang is signing and looking food. Cute kid. Home is where I go now.
what. the. fuck.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
the story is to long to tell you via txt so when you notice the tattoo on your ass call me.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
my question is who was more confortable? You sleeping on the floor or me tweeting from a bush?
His voice is like having sex with hot chocolate and then suddenly you're pregnant.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
How weird is it that 2 people I've had sex with have the same birthday and they don't even know each other
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
You said you made a new recipe, but it turned out you just cooked ramen with vodka instead of water.
Randomize
