Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
i lost virginity while listening to candy shop. something in my life has finally gone right.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
Are we hungover?
I got a lapdance from a gay guy in red uggs and spandex shorts with reindeer antlers on. And I don't remember it. Hungover does not even cover it.
I'm with Tony. He said he volunteers his ball sack for waxing but you will have to wait a few weeks. It is a freshly shaved sack. I guess he thought he was gonna get lucky. Wtf?
Smooth sack
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
Just realized I'm still chewing the same gum post blow job. This Stride shit really has everlasting flavor. They should totally have an ad campaign based on blow jobs.
I need a conscience and I need it yesterday.
I tried smoking while wearing a horse mask, it was the worst thing I've ever smelled
How does one tell their boyfriend they're pregnant with someone else's kid??
things i am: 1) still drunk 2) still wearing my leopard onesie 3) still gonna make my 9am lecture despite the odds CAN I GET A HIGH FIVE
Randomize
