so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
I am stoned and watching Pocahontas. I am letting the kids eat whatever they want. I am the best babysitter in the whole wide world
i just wasnt prepared to have the baby of one of two french firemen. threesomes are too confusing.
just walk of shamed past a man riding a bike. RIDING A BIKE. what a wholesome life he must lead.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I gurantee you I'll be the only one dressed as a giraffe.
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
I'm just gonna wear a long dress with no panties today. My pussy needs a break.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Still riding the magical train of drugs so, yeah, Id say I feel great
Randomize