so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
ok... i just had to be reminded that people in animal costumes were feeding me shots at the bar.
Is everything ok? Last time I missed your call you were being arrested.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
You wanted to thank my penis. You wanted me to take the condom off so you could touch it and thank it.
Also, I'm sat on the floor drinking cava because life is just not working for me tonight.
He used the panoramic camera on his iPhone to take a picture of his dick. And it actually filled it. Pretty sure I just came.
I can't relate, I like my boobs roaming free like a wild animal, and I occasionally let them devour small children
Please let me buy the coffee, all my assets are in starbucks gift cards
I'm pretty sure I regained my virginity last night
I said, hypothetically speaking, if I was going to be having some rough sex Friday night, when WOULD be the best time for a massage, mother dear?
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Our son just found our secret Sex Dungeon that is no longer hidden in our basement. He brought his Xbox and the TV down there he is currently sitting in the sex swing playing video games. What do I do?
Randomize
