New low: just hacked my moms facebook
I dumped him because he's never seen star wars. I'm certain I did the right thing.
the last girl i hooked up with and the last guy i hooked up with are hooking up right now. this is where bisexuality becomes a problem.
I just got hit on by my highschool french teacher. I need to stop going to this bar.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
Bad Decision October is in full swing. I was telling people that "I put on eye makeup today, I'm takin' a dude home with me!".
Old woman told me I looked like her son and then she started explaining to me how she wanted me to fuck her
This late night dumpster diving sesh is making my quads cramp up
I think the worst was the guy who sent me YouTube videos about how age doesn't matter, and then a link for natural breast enhancements. Kill me.
American Eric just peed on us from the second floor. Hes now very confused as to why his "toilet is yelling." Send help.
I got custody of our girlfriend in the breakup.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
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