After last night, I could never be a politician.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
one of the cashiers from Kroger is eating at my kitchen table and nobody knows why.
it's great music for shaving your balls
I think I've hugged the toilet more times than I've hugged my own family members.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
who said I'd never amount to anything...i just won 'most enthusiastic' at my poledancing class
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
Well on the plus side I have started adding benefiber to my bottle of wine
I got tossed from adult league soccer for telling a 55 year old I'd break his hip. I'm a productive member of society
Well I was thinking of taking him out for drinks then lecturing him about his drinking... kind of like an open minded intervention
First of all she starred talking about God which immediately killed my buzz
I'm watching Netflix with my cats and eating homemade bread. Everyone and everything can go and fuck itself.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
