Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
He told me he had an exgf. and didnt follow up with"and now i like guys."
there's got to be a less slutty way to tell him the baby isn't his
didn't know how to tell his mom I was confused about how long we'd been together because we banged for a full year before making it official
I received a sext from my girlfriend, and a deal for free chips and guacamole at chipotle at the same time. I have tasted heaven, and it is beautiful.
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
I'm pretty sure I lit a prostitute's cigarette while sharing a pizza with a homeless guy last night
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
What, wait. You are not supposed to drink wine out of the bottle?
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Just watched someone fail a field sobriety test. Miserably. At 4:50p. I think it's my future husband
God bless him
Think i may just have managed the saddest high-five in history. Finished a sudoku and high-fived myself, then looked around for somebody to high five. there was noone. forever alone.
If you wear a peguin suit you MUST send me a picture!!!
Granted, I did not plan to spend ANY hour of the last day of 2020 sober.
Randomize
