That guy over there looks like a cartoon/action figure.
omg, i know.
we're too high.
I realize now. I should have just made out with everyone and anyone when I had the chance.
I think my mom's writing a book called how to fuck with your kids when you know they're high
you think it's bad that I have four different guys toothbrushes in my bathroom?
I think he pocket dials me so much because I'm in his phone as 'Air Mattress'
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Do you think county jail has a Groupon?
We've started traveling with Michael and Patrick so we can pretend we're two legit straight couples.
A charade that fell apart the second another couple on the cruse found Sarah face down in my box on an observation deck.
It was like something out of a fucked up fairy tale. He just crowdsurfed over to her while riding a keg, said "come sail with me", and then the crowd carried them off into the night. What.
the liver wants what the liver wants
You must take up my position now. You must pass out in awkward places as I taught you... Sears a hotel elevator and Burger King bathroom. You potential for greater young grasshopper.
Do you think it would be a margarita if you just out tequila in a sonic slush?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
He's such a jerk. If only his penis was attached to someone else
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
