just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Yeah. I hotboxed a windbreaker.
I've spent too much of my life staring at my bberry and counting to 5 to see if it blinks
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
hey, i'm all for honesty but let's not get carried away
Just ran four miles to popeye's. And back. Dedication.
I cooked you Mac and cheese when I was drunk and drugged. That counts for about 4 meals. Try harder
We should have a bouncer at the top of our stairs asking the guys we bring home for ID...
Got laid last night using the intro line of "rate your hurricane evacuation plan on a scale of 1-10"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He's on the floor in just a Burberry tie. All my girl parts just tapped out.
We almost ended up sober because of u!!
She was riding me and giving me score updates to the basketball game at the same time..... Shes a keeper
Apparently I was directing traffic outside of Keeneland. Apparently I'm not a police officer. Who knew....
Does this cleavage amount say, “Fuck it, I’m over dating, let’s just fuck?”
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
Randomize