I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
Wish you were here....
And I wish your mouth was around my cock, but that never happens, does it?
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
I'm not considering your visit a success until we've fucked every cock in the ethnic rainbow...between the four of us we should have it done by x-mas
I swear god is testing me by giving me awesome guys with tiny penises
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
All I remember is grabbing a random guys dick at the bar and him just saying thank you and us taking a shot together
The hotel had a helipad. Of course we had sex on it.
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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