no more stoned jack in the box. this is the third night in a row.
Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
CONQUERED: Sean from next door. Just wanted to let you know ;)
How many people did you send this to?
just found a beer in my hamper. even my laundry is a dirty alcoholic.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
I just saw a wasted dude crawl out of the road at 2 in the afternoon. Big question- still drunk from the weekend or hitting the soju already?
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
Well, I have a text in my phone that just says "Scrumtrelescent" from a girl I have in here as "Cheesy Tits", so you figure out how my night was going.
I'm back in the dating scene now... Since the legality issue calmed down. And my stalking charges were dropped.
You also hate cartoons and musicals, so I will take that to mean the movie was as awesome as I thought it was..smoke weed
Literally too hungover to clean. I'll get the frosting off the table tomorrow, ok?
Guess who just enrolled into online classes at Hogwarts? This gal.
Also we're getting drunk and sledding down Caroline street. See you soon.
Randomize
