Note to self: Don't teach the naked lap rule in beer pong until after youve made a cup..
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
I've been meaning to ask you. The first night in the city did we do key bumps with a suicidal homeless man? My memory is fuzzy
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
I really thought you were going to tell me you were pregnant on facebook chat. FACEBOOK CHAT. I almost cried.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Oh good, bag of butt plugs is in my predictive text now
Typing the whole thing out was getting to be such a chore
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
I was mad at him...then I jerked off. Now I'm over it. Orgasms fix everything, I swear.
she broke a 50 dollar bottle of alcohol. then passed out in front of her car and got sprayed by a skunk
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
