so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
guys don't fucking realize that the only place girl like their faces jizzed on is in PORN, and that "squirting" is piss. JUST FUCKING PISS.
Haha, bad night?
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
all she kept saying was "harder" "mayo" and "who are you"
I trust that you have thought of something completely illegal for us to do this weekend.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
Shit. I'm suppose to call the bank but I'm too high to talk numbers.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
Oh yeah, found out i got it from my boyfriend's wife. Thanks though.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
Does going to a local bar count as taking part in Small Business Saturday? Asking for a friend
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
Randomize