I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
no you cant smoke seaweed
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
I puked in the coffee maker. I wouldn't make coffee tomorrow morning if I were you
you spent the rest of the night making a recipe for mixed drink called "the new years bowel remover". it has 13 parts but judging from the bold all caps, the boiled avocado is the most important
Come over so we can hookup and eat tacos. Those are 2 things you can't possibly turn down.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I could see myself being this awkward weirdo drunk girl that patted strangers and danced terribly but was powerless to stop it
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
stupid neighbors doing stupid yard work with their stupid kids when i want to do drugs in the backyard
You really do take on your dog's personality she sounded like her pug breathing when we were going at it.
I need to go to St. Louis more often. The brides sorority sisters were practically fighting over me once they heard I work on Wall St.
Randomize
