I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
I just ate a drumstick out of the garbage. I need a life coach.
Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
So as she is about to take the walk of shame she flips out. Apparently someone left a brown present in her shoes.
both roomates are passed out on the floor. I feel like I'm missing out on crucial bonding time by sleeping in my bed.
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
In need of cum proof mascara. Don't judge me.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
Every pair of shorts I try on makes me look like some kind of powerful lesbian wizard.
That is like, the point of shorts
this case of pbr just wont end. i keep finding more.
Just ignore the penis. It's won't bother you. I promise.
May I make reservations with your penis for this evening?
people keep driving by and judging me for drinking natty outside in my underwear at 9 am. rude.
So some guy thought I took second place in a male stripper competition
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