I asked him where the store BJ's was and he unzipped his pants.
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
Just thought you should know in my puerto rico drunkenness yesterday I signed my dogs name on the bar tab. cruise = success
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
He stumbled out of the bar bathroom at 3:30 am with his jeans unzipped and his dick hanging out - it was the physical manifestation of "blackout with your cock out"
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
We found you with your penis in the vacum hose crying softly...
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