can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Oh man I wish you'd been in the car w/ me today. I followed a school bus home filled w/ young boys and I flipped them off the entire way. They loved it.
Im handcuffed to some kid i hardly know. there are no cops involved
I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
It's not prostitution until you're out of college. Right now it's just strategic boning.
i'm sitting pantsless eating potato chips and watching porn before he picks me up for our date. I hope he's ready for this...
This guy needs to come out; I can feel him sucking my dick from across the room.
We haven't said piping hot jizz in awhile... that needs to come back into our conversations
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
I just stole some rubbers from the girl I stayed with last night so I can use them on a different girl today..
Definitely just poured my beer into a McDonald's cup so I could walk through Walmart without judgment. 'Murica.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
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