This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
This milkshake tastes better than sex. Priorities, I have them.
Ive only seen a dude masterbate on a train twice, once on the Jtrain and once on the Ftrain... trust me you never wanna see where the subway turns around.
I was having trouble getting it up so she grabbed it and said "no, it's too big to fail"
The last thing I remember was paying off her younger brother not to judge me, then puking on his shoes.
According to you, you were with your "Eskimo bro for life" last night.
Do you think I could convince a doctor that my uterus is poisoning me? It wouldn't technically be a lie. It does more harm than good.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
Well I just had a 45 minute conversation with a lady who was drunk off her ass complaining about how her 3 sons won't talk to her anymore. No more dive bars.
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
He got you flowers. How bad can the sex really be?
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
Why is there an inflatable flamingo in the backseat of my car?
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