Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
just did the walk of shame by his grandma. what the fuck is an old lady doing up at six am?
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
The girls we hooked up with were hammered, pushing each other in a shopping cart into the sushi place and through the restaurant... One's a volunteer EMT. God help her patients.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I'm not a horrible person, I just see what everyone chooses to politely ignore.. And occasionally say it aloud whilst deeply intoxicated.
I just had really awesome sex bent over the side of an air hockey table. That is all. Happy thanksgiving.
she had a dildo shaped like a dolphin. she will forever be known as Flipper
I still don't know why she was so offended when I emerged from the bathroom and told her my balls were now clean.
What's Spanish for "I shouldn't have worn these underwear to work?"
And now let us go forth, and be garbage people in public.
Isn't that our default mode?
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