you can still come hang out if you want
I really don't feel like watching you play video games
All I'm saying, is that being compared to a Muppet is not the end of the world.
The things that come out of my body both amaze and disturb me.
Alcoholism comes in two forms... Us.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Everytime I know she spent a lot of time on her hair for one of our dates, I intentionally cum on the top of her head. That's how she knows I pay attention.
The guy I wanted to make out with just got beat up, let's roll.
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
did she really put a helmet on, try to make a hole in the wall then pass out on the floor ten minutes later? if thats true ill be there in 15
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
I should know better than to trust a man I've seen cry on multiple occasions to give me accurate sports information.
Don't feel sorry for me. I'm getting Red Lobster and sex tonight. Nothing can bring me too far down.
I found my limit. I will not, in fact, blow my 78 year old professor for an A in his class.
By the time I realized I was watching a Danish porno with muppets it was already too late
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
Randomize
