i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
I cant believe you went over there and fucked her last night after everything you said
she invited me over to play the wii, it's not like i intended to
You KNEW her power was out...
and that's why we call him explosion in my pants. no one remembers his real name.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
No, we have matured. We've stopped having sex in front if his room mate.
You know what's soul crushing? Walking to subway and find out you were too drunk to put on shoes and being denied service.
Um. I literally have no words.
Sorry I got completely naked in your bed, but I feel our friendship has grown because of it.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
I'm literally 40 minutes from where I was supposed to stay. I woke up in a parking lot.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I would wear his ballsack as a hat if he asked me to
You know, you could always move. Lol somewhere without gators, water moccasins, and Marco Rubio.
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
