I love how my brain works. It's like being on drugs without the costly upkeep.
this is something i pride myself on being below average for
remember last year when i left for the bar in flip flops and came back in heels?
it happened again.
She even gives head with a lisp.
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
My ex wife just asked to go over our divorce papers and for sex in the same text
I am on top of a rooftop peeing on your freedom
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
dude ur drinkin a beer not ta capri sun. lose the straw
At least you didn’t announce to an entire bar you’ve eaten pussy, and then knocked your beer over.
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
He kept referring to my giving him head as a new level in our relationship and acting sentimental
You gave him a bj, not a kidney
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
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