Its where this guy sticks a jar up his ass. Be prepared to be suspended between vomiting and cheering.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I definitely managed to work the word "aforementioned" into the conversation.. At least I'm an intelligent sexter.
Quick question... Why were there condoms frozen into ice cubes?
Then he showed me his sketchbook. Every drawing was a hand in different 'fingering positions'. Dear JESUS.
Listening to my boss get blown in the next room by a male bartender from the gay bar. And watching pawnstars. Tell me I'm not the best wingman ever.
He wasn't lying when he said he was immune to pepperspray. He pretended it burned for like 12 seconds and told the cops he was kidding he was alright. We'll be there soon.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
My main goal for tomorrow night is to make it back into my own bed
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I am not a whore. I just wanted casual drinking, monogamous sex and occasional McDonald's runs.
My new gym is popular with trophy wives. They’re talking about yachts and plastic surgery
Learn their secrets! I want to meet men with Maseratis. The meat heads and Mustangs scene is getting old
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