i think my tv is drunk
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
hey i found one of your nipple clamps under my couch, i miss you!
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
I think the pivotal moment was when we used the see and say as a drinking game with shots of whiskey. It was all downhill after that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
I hope you get a lego stuck in your dickhole
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I can't believe that after 9 years of signing things as "BATMAN", the first place to turn it down was the liquor store down the block.
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
Dude 4th of July week was our like 5th anniversary of you sending me dick pics ❤️
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
