I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
He thanked me for being "his little blond pogo stick last night". Good thing?
On a scale of 1 to last weekend, how hungover are you?
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
Trying to grind with crutches was not a success
HOW DID YOU END UP IN THE BATHROOM WITH A DANCER AFTER 12 MINUTES?
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
I am the kind of drunk to where i can still drive a golf cart
Can you stop being a bitch and just take some Kaluha shots with me bro?!?
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Randomize
