I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
How do i write this on his wall without making it sound like he gave me an std?
Vodka + horseback riding = vomit in the saddle bags
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
Legit I think I might have gotten hepatitis C from licking the window of that last cab.
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm totally wasted about to ride water slides. That's goddamn 'Merican. That and Clint Eastwood.
You came on the chandelier from the first floor.. Of course were allowed back
I consider myself to be an upstream bisexual
You're the salmon of the gays...
He doesn't have an existential crisis after we have really violent sex now which is nice
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
I woke up with my shoes on but pants in the fish tank
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
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