Why would you say my penis is small in front of so many people?
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
I won't be able to make it. Too hung over. Can't hold down fluids. I'm in the bathtub trying to hydrate my body through osmosis. And yes, Tequila Tuesday is totally still on for tonight.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
They have a booking log online so i can just check that instead of call
Technology: making bailing your sister out easier since 2008
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
He left my apartment when I broke up with him just as my booty call was walking in. It was a little awkward...
Broeke and glass. I feel so and. Appilogixe in morbing.
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Cancel your plans for the fourth someone is streaming iron chef on twitch
Randomize
