Hahahhahaha! Oooh get it! Ugh I am so dead but if I go to the lib whuich I will hopefully b havung sex instead, ill hit u up
Hey its my first time.
I think you mean "it's my first time"
I've decided to only have meaningless sex from now on.
And what brought this epiphany?
I've decided it's a lot easier to have dirty amazing sex with someone when you don't care about the other person or what they think of you. I'm going to test this theory soon. Will update you later
I have the money I owe you for auctioning off your black thongs. Best 30 bucks ever spent
Where are you? This girl fell on a baby. She is just gone. Please Hurry
I'm hurrying
Dude. She just shit herself.
Ok but if you die you have to get "I should've listened to Mike" carved into your tombstone
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
We ate sushi in a hospital bed, then fucked in a bathroom while I wore a gown. Pretty sure she's the one
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
I just upped my southern womanhood. Taking whiskey and Kleenex pocket packs to the funeral.
Randomize
