i feel like my life has become an afroman song and idk whether i should be sad about that or not
I've had a Margarita with salt, but I have to say I was impressed by the Stoli and Sprite rimmed with adderall
She was kinda tragic... like a puppy that runs into things. Cute but really stupid. So, yeah, I hit it.
I should do something nice for her. Like sign her up for "What Not To Wear."
At the wedding. Seated next to the bar. No way this ends well
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Dont make this weird.... I was wondering if I could paper mache a few of your dildos this weekend?
i like feelif swiord YOU ARE A GOD
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
I'm shotgunning a meatball sub and watching flip or flop. i have reached a new level of singledom.
That's brilliant but could get us arrested. Give me shots until I shout LET'S DO THIS
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
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