I'm sitting at the gyno watching cnn in the waiting room
Everyone is walking funny when they come out, ugh I'm not looking forward to this
hey soul. what's that? you, dignity and pride are left for the night? coulda told me that before i vomited all over my mother.
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
Nope we're in the ER. He lit himself on fire trying to impress another girl with magic tricks.
let's just say I never want to get pulled over and have to explain to the cop why I'm wearing a false beard again.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
After a couple hours you decided you were going to walk home but ten minutes later you called and said you'd puked by the side of the road and you needed us to drive you to the art museum.
Was almost hungover and got scared, skipped hungover, back to hammered. Fuck real life
Cooked breakfast with his mom this morning...I'm like the housewife of one night stands
I made that picture of you my lock screen. So I've just been standing around at work licking my phone all day.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Do you guys think there will be a coke-for-Molly barder at bonnaroo?
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
No dude shes like 5 feet tall and maybe 100 pounds... Normally i wouldnt be scared but someone gave her a bat. Thats why im in the bathroom
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
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