I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
for real. he might as well bring dogs if they're lower than a 7.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
Overslept. So hungover. Apparently texting the first person in my contact list the time I would like to wake up is not how the alarm clock in my phone actually works.
THERE IS SOMEONE IN MY CAR MILKING HERSELF AND TELLING ME TO TRY IT
The drag queen we did coke with is going to be on Ru Paul's drag race. I feel so proud.
Next time you see his dad you should let him know you are now Eskimo brothers.
Girl, he's like catnip for my pussy.
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
Reading becomes significantly more difficult when people are having crazy loud sex in an adjoining room
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
