grandma shit on top of the toilet
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
Note to self: don't practice nerdy white girl dance choreography in the company bathrooms no matter how nice the huge mirrors and lighting are.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
You said you liked how I put the cream cheese on.
He painted a swimsuit on me. Naked day at the lake was a success.
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
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