Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
Do you how many people I've successfully loaded into a Mazda Miata? Six. Six people. How? Strategically.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
HE HAS A CHODE. LIFE IS NOT GOING TO BE EASY FOR HIM.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
usual friday morning routine. the pants i wore last night are in my passenger seat and im rooting through the pockets trying to make exact change at the dunkin donuts drive thru
Slap a cop in the butt for a felony charge. Check.
Nothing ruins an orgasm faster than accidentally calling out his boss's name
It was terrible. I am sore from head to toe, neither of us got off, and we were at it for an hour and a half, I faked having a heart episode so we could stop. It worked.
it wasnt weird until his dog watched upclose as i put a tampon in
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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