omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
i asked if you wanted help changing your sheets after you threw up in bed. you politely declined. i take no responsibility after that.
vodka bottle broke. scooping it out of the plastic tub with a shot glass into a sprite bottle using a ziplock bag as a funnel and straining the glass out with paper towels. good thursday night?
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
Wedding cake is always the best dance partner. In the corner. With a jack and coke. And while I'm crying. Listening to "Almost Paradise".
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
You talked about giving to sperm banks on a first date. What did you expect?
He had "Bad Bitches Only" tattooed above his dick. I don't know his name but I hope I find him again. I also don't feel that I lived up to the challenge.
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
Two cats fucking in the middle of the street. I sat there and watched in my car because I didn't want to cock block the male by honkin my horn.
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I am at the car wash dressed as a turn of the century librarian
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
Funniest thing happened to Chloe! She talked the bf into a mmf threesome, and he loudly and enthusiastically discovered he was gay during it. Whole dorm literally heard it happen.Well funny for me. Chloe not so much.
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