The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
the beat of "birthday sex" is shockingly similar to my dry heaving rhythm. it's making me nauseous all over again.
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
If it's any consolation, I've been sitting in the hallway in assless chaps for the past thirty minutes
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Meeting his dad and brother for the first time at the jail while I'm bailing him out ISN'T exactly how I pictured this relationship going....
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
I got Pilsbury cinnamon rolls for us to have tomorrow, but I don't have the willpower to leave them in my fridge overnight, so I am eating them all and getting us more in the morning
I love you more by the minute
Please make sure you have solid number of friends around you that wouldn't be afraid to break a bottle and stab someone. If you're planning on drinking all of that, you're going to need a safety net.
He's the first man I've met that knows more about Harry Potter than I do. He shops at Goodwill and has a Game of Thrones cookbook in his apartment. This is my soulmate.
Now I'm ashamed that I wore a bra
I just want a guy who will spank me, fuck me, then take me to my office xmas party. I'd that too much to ask?
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
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