I'm just sayin u wanted to sleep after ur paper. I can make u sleep
I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
i'm sick of coming in second next to bourbon.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I think my uterus is still laying in your bed somewhere under the covers.
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
All I want is a guy who will love me and occasionally shave my balls.
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Tequila is gods way of telling you don't fuck with tequila
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
Randomize
