I think I just saw someone hide a body.
guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
We're having the conversation about what happened last night, all we can come up with is that we came home, drank two litres of lemonade, I took one of her seizure pills and we fell asleep with sabrina the teenage witch on
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
There's a wake for a coworker on 420 during te time of 420... Hoping everyone will be too sad to notice how high I am.
Was awful. Wedding photos taken by a river with used syringes floating past. Had to ask the bride to put down a can of rum to have her photo taken.
We made it a contest to fuck on everything in your room while you were on vacation.
cashier rang me up and said, "white people are funny." like i'm NOT the only white person to buy just lettuce & 40 glow sticks
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
Love you too. There are very few people I let pee in my dishwasher.
He keeps asking the karaoke guy to play let it go from frozen so he can sing it in a falsetto
Dear god my vagina.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
