I think drunk me is telling hungover me something... I just have to crack the code.
You know its bad when you can over hear the planned parenthood nurses talking shit behind your back... they've seen everything
Just threw up in the garbage can outside the liquor store... I'm pretty sure that's some sort of distress signal.
how did the keg end up in the top bunk?
I think if I could use my boobs as a second pair of hands everything would be ok
If we break up, I want weekend visitations with your penis.
There's always time for handjobs
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
He played pinball with my ovaries. He won.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
Got a minor my first day of college from the bike police. I'm gonna like it here
Whip out the absinthe and the taquitos, this motherfucker just passed the bar.
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
