He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I think I'm coming down now. I almost started crying because I lost a piece of paper.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
don't mind me. just hanging out in this cool air conditioned Babies R Us until the liquor store next door opens.
I have a physical this friday. On a scale from 1-10, 10 being the most judgemental gay bashing, how much judgement am I gonna get from my dr when he checks my balls and sees the cherry tattoo
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
she pretty much pinned my hand to her boob "on accident" for like 10 seconds before she moved. Waiting the rest of the night was just a formality.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
It's almost like he's actually taking my commentary and criticism to heart, but simultaneously succumbing to some primal urge to wear less clothing each time.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
So I was having a really bad night...so I decided to steal a pumpkin.
Randomize
