just woke up and my boobs have "fun police" written on them
This is why you don't make out with cougars at a bar... I got a linkedin request from her, wtf?
No worries you cant actually turn into a wine snob if you brew it in your closet....
he went to find a bathroom and came back 10 minutes later with a fifth of bacardi, a pack of cigarettes, and two funnel cakes. he is a man among boys.
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
They play video games, go on acid trips, and in times of need, are willing to donate plasma together. COUPLE OF THE YEAR.
I NEED to see if his girl has a sister.
I may have to marry her. She is smarter than me and has a six figure job and doesn't want to have kids. All I have to be is a trophy husband.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Let's hurry up so I can puke at home instead of my van
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
It's cool bro. The video I have of you drunk trying to fix it with the sonic screwdriver was worth it.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Randomize
