We had sex on the hood of my car and broke the windshield.
He is drunk texting me begging me not to tell my mom. Pretty sure he is about to offer me sexual favors for keeping my mouth shut. I love being the boss's daughter.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
So ran into your ex from sophomore year last night... Apparently hes gay and a stripper now. we all got lap dances because we knew you
Making a mobile stripper pole for the back of my truck memorial weekend. Is where dignity goes to die
i thought you were just a really comfy body pillow until i sobered up. oops.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
I just opened my travel toothbrush holder and it smelled like vodka...maybe a vodka cranberry. This says a lot about my vacations.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
So, I'm roughly 90% sure that the guy next to me in the xray waiting room is watching porn on his phone right now
Randomize
