Can you tell me we didn't drink from a fish bowl we found in the bathroom last night? I know it would be a lie; I just need to hear it.
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Question: rebounding with your exboyfriend over your rebound guy is healthy right?
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I'm currently eating a turkey dinner, listening to xplosive by dr. Dre, and drinking rum. Hispanic christmas dinners are the best.
this is the first time in over a year I had a pregnancy scare and actually would have known who the father was. I guess this is what adulthood feels like.
Oh my god I haven't had mozzarella sticks since I banged that Applebee's waiter
You can't just say you're dying of terminal cancer everytime they try to card you
Hey, before I head out, whats your policy on casual drug use and one night stands?
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Actually I really wish that I was drinking so I could ask him for breakup sex and then later blame it on my alcoholic tendencies. Maybe tomorrow instead.
Randomize
