i'm three days dirty after drinking 14 hours last night and some other questionable behavior (hula hooping at a large concert, for example) i will just always bring the class. and the sluttiness.
I just spent my lunch hour driving around campus yelling "TRADE LIVES WITH ME!" to all the freshmen moving in
my roommate left her license, credit card, and cellphone on her desk. I feel like this is a trap.
I'm home with mono, wearing knee high socks, shorts, a stained old shirt, and a surgical mask. He comes over ANYWAY with soup, a gas mask, billions of DVDs, and eats me out. He's either stupid, whipped, or i'm just THAT good.
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
just remembered that i started a tab for just myself at 50 cent beer night last night... i dont understand my life
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
I'd rather blow Nickelback than be told he gave me gonorrhea. I'd even post it on Facebook for all of the world to like, share, and judge me.
but seriously, if you see a redhead running down the street tonight in a carrot costume, call 911. He's tripping hard.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Twist bend and done? Jesus that sounds like a seventh grade hand job.
But then our conversations are like black box recordings. Just the stuff you hear when the plane is going down
Randomize
