I can't believe you let me try to pierce your nipple with a dart last night
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
We can talk tomorrow when we're both alert. My mind is somewhere else right now.
Where's it at?
In your pants.
all i could think was her face looked like a farm accident
I've never had a better reason to do blow of a Pittsburgh strippers ass than to try and keep pace with my dad.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
That's what I'm here for. To bitch slap you into believing in yourself.
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
i wore just an American flag as my costume-huge success. 20 people pledged allegiance to my ass including a senior frat boy at the keg. God bless America.
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
after what u told me last night I think we're past the wtf zone and at this point u should just join me in wondering if my barista lover is a gay porn star
I can't adult today.
Take a nap and try again
I have to buy a couch. There's nothing more adult than buying a couch on a Tuesday.
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
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