took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
Do you think we're allowed to sign male strippers into the building with a valid id?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
She stood up through my sunroof the entire drive home. screaming her ass off and singing free falling..
At least he uses his lack of impulse control for chaotic good instead of chaotic evil
Randomize
