We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
I can't go out tonight I need to save my money for important things.....like rogaine and ecstasy.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
Just got an email from TMobile. Said they were going to pursue "more qualified" candidates. So this is what rock bottom feels like.
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Called the cops on a high school party then went in after all the kids ran away and took the rest of the beer. What are you doing tonight?
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
and yet oddly the jello shots tasted better coming up than going down
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Omfg I just White Claw shamed a Girl Scout Cookie mom and I feel SO BAD.
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