Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
Come with me and I'll find you a girl. What's your type?
Vagina
Man THE POSTAL SERVICE is awesome when I'm high..... But they suck when I'm sober.
Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
I just walked past a woman in the bar stroking a mans crotch, yelling 'I made this. I made this happen.'
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
I love you so must. You as do fraty. You are truly my veste breakable (ties I wtf racket Andover). Luce you. Have a safe drive bio dough failover.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
I really have to stop going to the movies high. Spending $10 to not know what the fuck is going on is starting to get pricey.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
she filled my toilet with birdseed... i tried flushing it but now it's clogged so she has to come over and fix it because it was her mistake in the first place
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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