You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
i'm using a wine bottle as a spitter. how classy is that.
so explain to me why i woke up in jail this morning
because you opened a jar or pickles and a bag of fritos and layed down in the middle of aisle 7 while singing 'la cucaracha'
no more ever clear
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
And i laid in the yard with carrots on my chest cause i wanted a bunny
So I'm up to masturbating three times a day, drunk textin my ex, not doing any hw and I've failed half of my tests so far
Sounds better than last semester
you can't tell me you didn't shit your pants I saw them in the trash can by the bathroom.
I seriously think my heart may fail. And I didn't even grab a toilet beer :(
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I was thirsty after the sex and it was a long trek back to res so naturally I stole chocolate milk from his fridge as I left
I have like three friends I don't have sex with, what did you expect
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
We spent our last night together taking turns vomiting in the bathroom. I'd say it was a romantic trip.
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
Who the fuck puts glitter on their vagina? It’s all over my face and crotch.
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