dude i need help, im throwing up blood.
no youre not, you just drank a pitcher of red koolaid trying to sober up.
oh, so thats why my junks red.
wow. cant help you there...
So thats when I found out ur supposed to put the penut butter on your balls not your dogs balls, feels alot better
I'm so fucking pissed that I wasted my shooting star wish on him and his little penis.
i just sent my parents are gone come over I have condoms to my mom because Derek changed my numbers while I was passed out
Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
Between cock and motorcycle I'm glad I don't have to sit at work tomorrow
He came up to me muttering about the pills on the bathroom floor... I found him an hour and a half later trying to take naked photos of himself with an alarm clock...
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
It's annoying. I only date people who are 6 foot 3, drug dealers, or 2 years older than me.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
Just had sex to Jesse & the Rippers. Can check that one off the bucket list.
While randomly hooking up with my neighbor last night he says "it's okay we're neighbors".
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Randomize
