If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
just found out i fit into magnum condums. this is going to be the best weekend ever
Tequila is the liquid version of celery. I lose more calories during tequila drunk and the following sexual activities than I gain by drinking it...
Bank of America: Available balance is $546.25 on 03/04/2011 for account 8428. Go online for details. TextSTOPtoStop/TextHELPforHelp
i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Are we still banned from the library?
I have grass duct taped all over my body
Every bar we ever go to has a woman there who hates him. Getting so much vagina has never seemed so not glorious
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
"The cab driver felt bad for us so he stopped to buy us chocolates. That counts as a valentine!"
I woke up at 4am on the floor covered in olive oil and fire extinguisher powder but all I wanted to know was where the rest of my booze was at.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Her hotness level dropped from an 8 to a 2 as soon as I walked into her place. It REEKED of cat piss and there was no litter box and NO CATS.
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
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