he wants to bone in the snuggie
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
You know when its a good night when you have to be reminded IHOP is a family establishment.
You got my ass fired just for knowing you
thanks for the bacon
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
Dont worry about getting me anything... Just put a bow on your ass.
Deal.
Lol, you asked the waitress to box up someone else's discarded food last night
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
He simply fell in the fire, rolled out and continued to finish his bottle of vodka. Everyone else instantly sobered up just watching it.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
I mean. I'm excited for the Seahawks too. I just love nachos.
I asked him to help me break in the space ship aka my bed.
I'm just so full of love and alcohol
You peed in the sink and kept shouting "I'm the black swan! Ca-caw!"
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Randomize
