My little brother has some high school girls in my pool, it's like a jailbait buffet in my backyard
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Just saved her as "new hostess that randy banged" ...I forgot her name
when i spit it made a heart shape. i think it's a sign
Dude. Apparently I just smoked some stuff that's used for Nigerian spirit quests.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
We're at an agreement where I don't pry and she pretends blissful ignorance
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
