eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
i'm lost and i look like a hooker
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
I just got wrote up for "repeatedly smelling like alcohol"
That was long passed due.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
Well just watched a guy puke in a trash can then proceed to pick pizza outta said trash can and eat it
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Not every day do you see a hooker getting arrested at noon. Just kidding, we live in Reno.
YOU IS KIND. YOU IS SMART. YOU IS IMPORTANT. YOU IS CLEANING YOUR OWN VOMIT.
The landlord wasn't even off the porch yet and she was packing a bowl, I can't imagine a better best friend
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize
