he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
i have a new found respect for you. the amount of people you must have cockblocked last night is amazing
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
So I'm pretty sure I told every one at the party that "I'm going to fuck my pillow pets tonight?"
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
Did you pee in the oven last night??
Well, you started screaming "I dont know you GO AWAY" to your mom when she was holding your hair as you threw up in her garden.
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
She was a cheerleader in college and President of her sorority and now she’s a sales rep for a pharmaceutical corporation. “High maintenance hot” doesn’t even begin to explain it
But dear lord is it worth it
Randomize
