It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
I'm just that much of a man that I can watch Ellen and Oprah back to back and still like girls.
If you're missing hair this morning, i'm sorry in advance
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
So after tequila Thursday, Jess broke her arm table dancing. Now her and Andrew look like the perfect drunk couple, matching casts and all.
Actually considered writing down one of the numbers on the bathroom stall. That's how much I miss vagina.
he grabbed my head and said "you are a horse. I am leading you to water" pushed it down and whispered "Drink."
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
I was kind of torn between "Wow, this is awkward," and "Wow, my therapist is hung."
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Yeah you'd pretty much be ruined if you broke up with a guy like that and then had to return to the dating pool
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
Randomize
