you guys were way drunker than both of me
i'm watching the fashion show on bravo
you're cheating on project runway?
if you can't score coke, you buy crack.
he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
Look at it this way: if he'll have sex with a tomato, he'll have sex with you.
How do you have time to get laid so much in law school?
I like to set goals for myself. for example, he was my first libertarian
bringing a ziploc bag full of Jim Beam to the movies may not have been the best idea.
seriously though jaeger and i are fucking done professionally
Robert just walked in drunk, grabbed my Jameson from me, told me to let him do his thing, and spilled it all over the coffee table. Then he told me to grab a funnel because he was going home.
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
Do you realize half our text conversations are you asking me for tit pics and me saying no?
I just remembered that i did pull ups in a bikini on the porch of Red Lobster last night. someone needs to stage an intervention
I can't believe I got dumped for a fat chick, but at least I got four and a half years worth of free shit. So we can call it even.
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
I know it sounds cheesy, but i think both me and her mum know they are "thanks for being so cool about finding nudes of your daughter on the camera" flowers
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