You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
I think she just tried to waterboard me with her vagina.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
I just saw what sperm look like swimming around. I'm not happy with what you've put in my stomach.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
I'm at breakfast at my kid's school and I have noted at least 3 other parents with last night's red wine mouth and bleary eyes. I don't know why I always get so paranoid.
It's "your husband had his mouth on my vagina" awkward.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You don't seem to appreciate the rareness of his junk.
Send me a picture. I'm more of a visual learner.
We got stuck in traffic in the tunnel while we were smoking weed. We were afraid to air out the car.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Ain't no cockblock like hearing the word"HOOODOOORR!" shouted from the bedroom floor while in the middle of sex.
I am putting clothes on to go find a brownie
In my experiences, brownies are better naked.
Dude. If you guys end up really liking each other, the color of his pubes won't matter. I wouldn't break a sweat.
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