i walked into the first stall,, but there was no paper, so i'm in the other one. a little kid is in the one without paper now and is making a lot of noise. curious how this'll turn out for him.
It's 8 am and he's already trying to get me to make out with a girl.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
My mom just admitted you were a good looking kid & if you weren't my friend & 30 years older she would do you. I'm going to commit suicide.
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
I offered you a bag but you said "I gotta break in the new carpet" and you puked all over the floor
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
The batteries in my vibrator died before I could finish. Which is a lot like my sex life lately......
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
I need to show you how I feel about you by fucking you repeatedly.
She looks like a character that batman would try to kill, or something.
There are some people who should not be trusted with a cell phone while drunk. You know your one of them when you call the cops on your own party.
I text the word "masturbation" so much, all it only takes my iPhone to auto-spell it is for me to type "mas".
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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