Woke up to a denim duvet cover this morning... why r guys so tacky?
even the sluttiest version of myself will not go down on him
I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I can't go out tonight. I feel like I'm starting to party as much as Farrah on Teen Mom.
it's like god just wants me to be high for five days in a row. keep the blizzards coming.
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
See this is what happens when we don't have sex everyday
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
Just your daily reminder that we're terrible people: the average number of men a woman sleeps with in their lifetime is 4
You tried to impress her by kicking the 5th floor button in the elevator, but you ended up kicking everything from 3 to 11. Then you said, "pretty accurate, huh ladies?"
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
New low. I just threw up in the shower at 4pm. Nothing like leaving behind my 20s with class.
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
