She's 40ish and I couldn't wake her up with a stick of dynamite. My sheets are going to be covered in glitter lotion and smell like grape vodka and shattered dreams tomorrow.
Aren't divorce parties fun?
You and I have very different definitions of fun.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
For someone who "only drinks patron" your lack of pickiness with men alarms me
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
We totally just fucked in a closet. These vacations with his family are causing creativity I never thought I had.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
WHYAREWHITEGUYSSOBADINBED?! What the fuck went wrong, evolution?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
When you wake up so hungover that you don't even wanna cough for fear of vomiting... It's not gunna be a good day.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Almost just stuck my dick in my bong for no reason
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Hey. It's Michael. The guy that had his tongue in your mouth last night. Just wanted to check in with you.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
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