I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
He showed up to fuck me at the same time the pizza guy did. It was like everything I needed just showed up at my stoop.
He went around feeding all the high kids pretzels. He's like their god now
Babe when I told you that you needed to grow up I didn't mean get drunk and sponsor 8 African kids.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
Rainbow fish was a wild success, got wasted at 6 gave away most my scales and made out with max from where the wild things are.You'd be so proud
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
I just found a piece of squished oatmeal cream pie in my armpit. So very sad.
I'm gonna take a crap in the portashitter like a civilized human being.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Do you think they manscape in the zombie apocalypse?
I'm asking you this because you're my dad....is coke a drug I should try?
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