Kris Allen: Jason Mraz mixed with John Mayer and a splash of orgasmmm
No, dude. Even Jesus hates Creed.
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
I just woke up in a puddle of boob sweat. Definitely time to consider a reduction.
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Whatever. I am not explaining the physics of my dick slapping.
What part of a retired stonemason dealing with your rock hard cock does not sound like you have the wrong number ?
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
I just had sex with the Sheriff's Deputy. You should call me.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I got a gay guy to motorboat me. These tits could change the world, I'm telling you.
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