so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
Its about making memories worth repressing
I knew my chances of getting laid had increased after she walked into my room and yelled "DICK TIME"
Last night after we fucked, I washed my vag in vodka so I wouldn't get an STD
Or, you could have used a condom
I think the fact that my first kiss is now in a porno says a lot about why my life is the way it is
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
some people offered us free beer as long as we shotgunned it and after you shotgunned four without pausing they took their offer back
But please don't judge me if i smell like mustard
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
I'm proud of you, you were pretty classy last night, you didn't puke AND you didn't take off your shirt, except for those two times in the corner.
You 2012 self promised me that you would do LSD with me, and it's 2015 now. So.
Plus, I'm basically a doctor, so what could go wrong.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
Randomize
