i thought i was pinching her nipple. It was her mole
just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
i came out of my blackout when my grandma called last night. it kinda sobered me up and i realized who i had been making out with. should i call and thank her for the defensive cockblock?
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
A dude was barking out of one of the buildings so I barked back and he goes, "Oh shit! She barked back! Come to room 803 I'll fuck you!"
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
But don't thank me for faking being asleep, if I was the real wing man, I would have left the bed
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I shit you not. Dude complemented me for being meme savvy. You could drown a toddler in my panties right now.
We were looking everywhere for you and I finally found you in the closet talking to a build a bear.. So I gave you and myself another drink
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
that may or may not have been my penis.
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
