Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
she said "lets play dickbreaker!" and then threw my blackberry at my dick as hard as she could.
I feel compelled to tell you that I woke up this morning and found an entire corn on the cob in my purse. Ive decided not to question my drunken behavior anymore, and to just accept it as my lifestyle.
Because it is about to snow, I sent him for Diet Coke and cigarettes. It's the gay version of milk and bread.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
he called me ma'am when we were fucking last night...he's five years older than me. I think I'm in love.
He accepted my bet of 5 bucks to bike home completely naked. Never got asked about the 5 bucks, guess he enjoyed it too much
How dare sober me try to tell drunk me I can't eat the applesauce in the fridge! Stingy bitch IM EATING THE APPLESAUCE! you can tell sober me I said that.
She really wants to hug you. With her vagina.
I don't know if I'm having early flu symptoms, a miscarriage, or am badly hungover. Web md agrees.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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