everything was goin great until he pulled out his ed hardy lighter and smoked in my face like he was cool.
it's like you attract all the douchebags that nobody wants. people should thank you.
oh my god i am going to vomit. and little burgers wearing crowns are going to come out.
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
Theres two guys using a blow up doll to hold their beers while they float around the pool
Im on my way, tell them to get ready for a high-five
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Were not even through the second month of the year and I potentially may have torpedoed a marriage...
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
I just want to find somebody intelligent enough to trick my parents into thinking she's not a trophy wife. Is that too much to ask?
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