I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
So she started giving everyone lap dances, and i was like "i think i like this chick"
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
Should I shave my pubes in the shape of a top hat so I can nickname my junk Abe Lincoln?
she was like a sexier Rosie O'Donnel
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
My ex just sent me a message asking if she could blow me, but only if we get caught by her new bf. If she promises to swallow I'm doing it.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
I'm truly not mad that he's at a strip club, it's that he couldn't look far enough into the future to figure out how to get himself home from one
So, then you thought it was a good idea to dress up like the Hamburglar, buy a bag full of McDonalds hamburgers, go to Burger King and throw them at everyone while screaming "HAMBURGLAR!". At that point there was no stopping you.
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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