You just took 4 shots. 2 of them were maple syrup.
One of the mothers are the party said to me "All your friends are getting married, you're just getting drunk"
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
then she stuck her tongue in my ass
I thought we were talking about reason you aren't going to marry her?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
The fact that I found him in his Ninja Turtles t-shirt next to six empty and obviously consumed packs of EasyMac watching reruns of Becker certainly made telling him that I wanted a divorce so much easier than I had planned.
Playing a game in life called "how far can I make a man travel for a booty call"
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Def regretting not writing "will blow for extra credit" on my last final
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
I peppersprayed myself last night. Sigh.
I literally wonder, frequently, "Will anyone ever fuck me until i go cross eyed for 2 hours again?''
Testing the emergency boobs hotline
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
We hooked up and he sent me home with a plant and skittles lmao
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