i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
If I sit on the seam of my jeans just the right way when the bass hits, this might be my new favorite band.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
So you had sex with my brother?
It sounds like you dont need me to answer that.
she was puking red wine out the car window, telling me about how shes joining weight watchers tomorrow, not okay.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
to instagram or to not instagram the picture i took of when i shit in the urinal
Sometimes i like to think we arent living together next year and that im living with models that like to experiment but you ruin that fantasy time and time again
Turns out I hooked up with a chick who has lupus. I don't know if that's a bucket list thing or not, but it's now on mine. Check.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
He has great stamina, he knows how to use his tongue, and he's hung like a goddamn Pegasus. I can overlook the man bun.
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
I wrote myself a note last night telling me to tell you that you're the best person ever, and asking you not to tell me what I did, I think I'm trusting my drunk judgment on that one.
Actually, my eyes didn't start bleeding until the next day. So it was a pretty awesome night overall.
Randomize
