I wish my penis had an off switch
i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
sitting in room practicing taking shots. has my life come to this?
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
When you consider the sheer number of events that had to occur in order to prevent me from fucking her, there must be a god
What ever happened to the whole 'innocent until proven guilty' thing. Like 'not pregnant until proven pregnant'. That's how it should be...
Just considered playing a drinking game with powerade with my sister so she would get some fluids in her. I do so well with sick people.
"Like what guy would respond to 'let's fuck. I've got bagels'??"
He was super adorable, like I wanna pinch his cheeks while I fuck him...
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
With each thrust he'd whisper "like a ninja." Should I be flattered or appalled?
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