Oprah is sooooo fat. I can't even concentrate on Mackenzie Phillips talking about banging her dad
Found out in my property law class that you can sell your eggs for $8000. Helloooo spring break.
yeah my mom told me she knows when i come home high because i use my turn signal while turning into the driveway...
dad just smoked me out. he's yelling at room service for not giving him cookies and milk with his towels...we're both too high to know if thats a legit complaint.
He kept screaming "it's so seductive" while he was humping the wall
She stared for a good 10 seconds before calling my dick "awe-inspiring", and then proceded to give me blueballs. All in all the ego boost made my night break even
Look dude I'm sorry I used your bong to snorkel in my bathtub last night
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
I'm seeing how long I can hold this wine in my mouth. I have so many adventures! I'm like Teddy Ruxpin!
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
Sorry for all the texts. I got wasted and woke up at the foot of a staircase. From what I can gather, I fell down it.
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
Was just messaged by someone in a Power Ranger suit on OkCupid... Figured you would approve
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Randomize
