He didn't know it yet but he was about to go down on me.
a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
I got so many pubes stuck in her braces that when she yanked her head, I cried out like that one girl you "accidentally" rear-ended last week. Bald spots are battle scars.
I feel like I should put "don't judge me" in the special instructions for the pizza guy.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
I probably shouldn't have slept with him. I feel like that may have given him the wrong idea.
The drunken tricycle race really added some class to the Tour de Franzia. Until everyone wiped out and started puking.
Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
You need an intervention. You fell into traffic walking home.
Not really. Birthday weekend. Totally jusifiable. Besides I didn't get hit. No harm no foul.
Sincerely would love to tap that, on a mountain with the wind blowing on your pubes .
I'm not drinking cause I'm like 4 vodkas away from a boom box and Peter Gabriel.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
That seems dangerous to buy acid from a stranger on craigslist
Randomize
